


Always cold

by Pebr



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2003
Genre: Drowning, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-04-28 08:11:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5084722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pebr/pseuds/Pebr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heavily inspired by a scene from the movie "The Abyss." Raph and Leo are trapped in a leaking submarine, and the cold water isn't merciful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Remind me to never, ever even look at a submarine Don has built", Raphael groans, shivering. He's standing inside a broken mini-submarine, which used to be part of a bigger submarine. The big submarine itself, which Donatello had managed to steal for them – Raph had no idea how – is not that far from this smaller submarine, which Don had built himself. The problem is that they're lying in the very bottom of the huge, cold sea. And he's knee-deep in water, while more water is constantly leaking in. Cold, freezing water.

"I'm not getting any answer", Leo says, clutching the submarine's radio in his hands, careful to not to drop it. Donatello and Michelangelo are in the bigger submarine, and Leo has been trying to contact them since their crash. It's not like Donatello didn't know how to build a submarine, luck just never seemed to be on their side. They were here to spy on something big the Foot had been planning, about to crash their party, but of course something had went wrong. They had just barely avoided being hit by one of their missiles, but the sudden force from the exploding missile had caused them to crash to the bottom. The impact had been a little too much for their tiny sub and it had caused a leak in their wall. And here, at the bottom of the sea, a leak was just as bad as getting hit by a missile.

Raphael keeps walking around in the water, trying to find stuff to help him fix the leak. At the same time he's just trying to keep himself moving, you wouldn't believe how quickly ice-cold water can make your legs numb and useless. They are cold-blooded creatures and the water isn't merciful.

"It keeps flooding like a…"

"..Son of a bitch", Raphael finishes angrily for Leo. "Yeah, you noticed?"

Leonardo doesn't answer; instead a sigh leaves his mouth as he raises the radio back to his mouth and tries to contact Donatello again. Nothing, just static and silence.

"Try it again", Raphael tells him harshly, and Leo obeys. It's kind of funny how their roles are a little reversed, Raphael giving the orders and all, but no way is he just going to give up while Leo numbly stares at the silent radio. It was annoying enough that Raph had to be together with Leo in this tiny ship, but luckily Leo hadn't been getting too much on his nerves today, so he managed to somehow keep his temper in control. He should actually get Leo moving too; after all, Raphael is the one who has the diving suit Don had designed for them. He had been supposed to swim outside, while Leo would stay here, but their plan never got to that part. Raphael knows Leo feels the cold better without any kind of protection, so he should probably be moving too instead of sitting next to the radio. He's about to tell his brother to move his ass when suddenly the submarine moves and there are sparks of light everywhere as the lights go out. The movement startles both of them and Raphael almost falls over, just barely keeping his balance. He searches for Leo with his eyes, but without the lights he can't see a damn thing. "Leo!"

Leonardo holds a flashlight in his hands, and in the dim light they stare at each other, both worried for the other. Leo seems to be okay, so Raphael's on the move again, angry about the lights going off and angry that Leo had seen the worry on his face. It was hard to me mad at someone if they saw you worried about them so easily. "Fucking great", he mumbles and Leo doesn't even say anything about his use of language. Good.

Raphael stops his spacing in front of one of the small windows their "ship" has. "I can barely see our submarine", he grumbles.

"They'll come after us", Leo tells him, finally abandoning the radio and taking careful steps in the icy water.

"Yeah, but it's going to take them a while to get here", Raphael says, knowing more about diving and machines related to it. Raphael is the one fixing his bike with Don all the time while Leo has absolutely no knowledge of these things. So, even though Donatello and Michelangelo are almost right next to them, they'd have to figure out a way to get to them. And they didn't even know they had a leak. "We gotta get this flooding to stop", Raph states the obvious. But they really do if they don't want to drown.

"We can't even reach it", Leonardo says, walking after Raph in the small room their ship has. The leak is behind a panel on the wall, and no matter how they've tried, the panel doesn't move. He doesn't really know how anything here works, so he feels like a lost child while looking for tools. The water is already starting to reach their waist and Leo shivers. He barely notices it though, since he's been shivering for the past ten minutes already, and after a while you kind of get used to it.

"There are some... some tools. Somewhere around here", Raph says, but he's not really sure if there is. He wants to believe that Don left something useful here, but it's starting to look kind of hopeless. He feels depressed and that burns away his anger, leaving more room for worry. Because he wants – and needs to – keep Leo moving and wants himself to think about doing something for the leak instead of thinking about what happens if…

Leo nods and continues the search, and Raphael can't help but stare at him for a moment. Leo has been awfully quiet and he keeps shivering, and Raphael doesn't wonder why. He's wearing the warm suit but it's still cold, and Leo has nothing. Damn, why can't the radio work? Leo could at least say something stupid like he always does, so he'd get on Raphael's nerves and they'd have an argument. That would surely give both of them some energy, wouldn't it?

"What's taking those two so long anyways", Raphael mutters. Sure they had seen them get hit and they would be on their way.

He can hear Leo hiss when he bends up to pick up something from the floor. He knows how it feels, putting your hand in the water; it feels almost like getting your skin peeled off. Raphael moves closer to him, cursing the damn water. It's way up their waist now.

When Raphael gets close to Leo, he can see how blue his lips are and how pale he looks. Leo is looking at the wrench he found, but it's useless so he lets it sink back to the floor. Then he raises his head to look at Raph, and Raphael hates how pathetic he looks when he's trying to look like it's not that cold. Neither of them say anything, so Leo lets his eyes drop back down. It's been long since they stood this close to each other, things between them had not been… good, lately. Fighting, always fighting. Always disagreeing. Always the opposites. Raphael watches as Leo's fingers become too numb to hold the flashlight anymore, and he lets that sink as well. It's waterproof, so it brings them light from the bottom of the water.

When Leo brings his hands up from the water he clearly tries to stop himself, but fails and lets out a quiet moan. The water is just too cold and he knows it's like hundreds of sharp daggers stabbing at Leo's pale skin. Raphael takes a step forward and takes Leo's hands into his own, trying to bring some warmth in them. He thinks he fails since he can't really feel his own fingers either, even though he's got the diving suit on. Leonardo's breathing is hard and it comes out ragged because of the constant shivering. He looks at Raph with confused eyes, surprised about his touch, but Raph doesn't look him in the eyes.

"We need to get out of here", Raphael says once again, trying to hide the worry in his voice. He knows Leo hates it when they worry about him, even though it's really ridiculous. Because of course they worry. But Leo is stupid, has always been, always putting his brothers before him. He'd probably also tease him about worrying. Raphael is going to hit him in the face when they get out of here.

"How?" Leo asks uselessly, raising his eyes once again.

"I don't know how", Raph answers roughly, irritated at the hopelessness of the situation, angry that he can't do anything.

Leo lets his head sink again. "We only have one suit..." the blue-masked turtle mutters.

"I know but we need to-"

Raphael doesn't get to finish, because Leo's loud wheeze cuts him off. A harsh shiver runs through him and despite his efforts to say quiet his teeth clatter and he whimpers a bit. "Gosh, Raph, I'm sorry – it's just so – so  _freezing_ ", Leo whispers, voice trembling more than before as he grasps Raph's hand with numb fingers. Raphael uses his other hand to bring Leo's head back up and locks his eyes with Leo's. He sees how unfocused Leo's eyes have become and that explains why Leo can't hide his shaking hands and ragged breaths. Not that he should hide them, but that's what he always does. He'll punch him twice.

"Okay Leo, okay. You're the smarter one, you can think of something", Raphael says, attempting to calm down Leo as well as himself. He needs to make Leonardo forget the cold – which is starting to be hard for him as well – and he really needs a plan from Leo. Leo may not know about the technical stuff, and he may be about to pass out from the cold, but Leo can always make a good plan. He will know what to do. There has been times when Leo pulls out a perfect plan even when bleeding and surrounded by the Foot, and without those plans...

"Just calm down first", Raph adds, rubbing Leo's shoulders and his hands. He lets go of his pride for now; it doesn't matter if Leo teases him about this, he just wants Leo to stop shaking so badly.

Leo nods, taking deep breaths. Raphael doesn't know if he even notices that his hands are on Leo's shoulders. "Okay, okay", Leo says, closing his eyes for a bit, fighting against the surrounding cold. "Why don't... why don't you swim back to the submarine, and... and bring back another suit?" he finally suggests.

Raphael stares at Leo, thinking, going through the plan in his head. Thinking about distances, thinking about how long it would take for him to swim there and back and... It's hard since he's not sure how far exactly the submarine is, but it would take time to swim there, then getting the suit, swimming back…

"I wouldn't make it", Raph says, breathless. "When I'd get back you'd be…"

It looks like it takes a few seconds longer than normal for Leo to register his words, but when he does, he nods and tears his eyes away from Raphael, looking around him once again. "Okay, then let's look around, let's..." Leo keeps muttering to himself as he moves around, and Raph thinks it's a good thing. Just keep moving, just figure something out, and be useful,  _dammit Raph_ , be useful–

They both search even though they know it's useless. They find one diving mask but it's broken and they toss it away. Leo's movements are sluggish but he's still trying, but Raph is holding his head with his hand and he's thinking, trying to figure out something, anything...

"Alright, alright, here, put this on", Raph says suddenly and his voice is shaking. He picks up the only diving helmet they have, part of his swimming suit, and pushes it to Leo. It takes few seconds to get a reaction out of him again, and this time his reaction isn't as weak as before. Leo pushes the helmet back at Raph, pressing it again his plastron and looking almost offended that Raphael had offered it to him. "No,  _no!_ Raph, no– "

"Don't argue with me now! Just agree with me at least this once and– just put it on!" Raphael yells as he starts to take off his suit. Leo's hands are immediately there, numbly trying to stop what Raph's doing, but Raphael easily slaps his cold hands away. He's afraid, all his instincts tell him to not take the warm suit off, but he needs to. "This is  _not_  an option, so just forget about it, it's–", Leo stutters as he tries to stop Raphael again.

" _Shut up!_ Just shut up and  _look at yourself_  and put this damn thing on– "

"Listen, Raph–,"

"SHUT UP!"

"–  _Please!_ "

Raphael falls silent but doesn't stop glaring, and Leo doesn't hesitate to continue, only takes a quick, trembling breath. "Just listen, just listen", he starts quickly, now that he's got his brother's attention. His teeth are clattering and panic's slowly trying to take control. "You already, already have the suit on and you're much, m-much better swimmer than I am, right?" Leo knows he's probably faster than Raph but he needs Raphael to trust himself in his swimming. The water has almost caught their necks and it's a real trouble to keep his shivering controlled in order to speak.

"Well, maybe, but–"

"You are, right, yes, so, we have a plan."

"What plan?"

"I drown and you take me back to the submarine."

Now it was Raph who couldn't register words at first. But when he did he shook his head, not believing what he had heard. "No, no." No way. He couldn't believe that Leo was even  _thinking_ about something like that.

"Yes, this water is cold enough–"

"No!"

"Yes! I'll – I'll go to d-deep hypo – hypothermia – I don't know, Don, Don spoke about it once", Leo speaks, keeping his voice as steady as he can but the cold is starting to be too much. Raphael shakes his head as Leo talks, but Leo ignores him, continuing. "My body, body will be like ice… ice water, my heart – it won't stop, it... will just slow down… And after you get me there I can be, maybe, be revived, in… Donnie remembers... in how many minutes…" Leo's voice goes quiet towards the end. Raphael just stares, but starts to resist again. "No, you put it on, just put it on–"

Seeing Raphael continue his resistance makes Leo collect himself and grab the helmet. "It's the only way", he says tiredly, voice cracking. "You put it on, you know I'm right."

Leonardo could try to hold his breath and swim back, they know that they can all hold their breath for quite a long time, but this… this would be too much and they know it. The water is too cold. Leonardo knows he needs to fill his lungs with water, and it terrifies Raphael that he knows and is still able to be so... calm. Raphael feels like he's going to explode from anxiety in Leo's stead, but he does his best to keep himself collected.

Leo grabs the diving cylinder, holding it with frozen hands, pushing it against Raph. "Please", he whispers even though he knows he has won. Raphael says nothing as he takes it and starts attaching it behind his back.

Their bodies are underwater and the water licks their chins. Raph places his hands on Leo's cheeks, looking at him in the eyes. Leonardo looks like he's about to pass out again, but he smiles. When was the last time he had seen Leo smile? They were always fighting. Raphael doesn't feel like smiling.

"You can do it", Leo encourages him with a shaky breath, touching Raphael's hand with his own. Raphael swallows and presses his forehead against Leo's, closing his eyes. "Leo, I… I'm…" Raph starts. It would usually take a child sacrifice and maybe a million dollars for him to say what he's about to say, but now he's going to say it.

But Leo looks at him understandingly, and Raphael doesn't know how he does it. They both know what's about to happen, but Leo stays as calm as ever.

"You can tell me later", Leo whispers and Raphael closes his eyes for a moment, then pulling away and putting the helmet over his head. They don't know if he can.

Raphael is completely underwater and Leo gasps, trying to keep his head above the water. Now that Raph can't see his face his composure cracks and he can't fight the panic anymore. He whimpers as the water-level keeps rising, faster than before. He's kicking his legs in order to stay above the rising surface, spitting out salty water. He kind of wishes he had let Raphael say what he was going to say – who knows if he'd ever hear it now. He doubts it; the situation feels impossible to survive.

His anatomy makes his struggle even harder for him and panic finally kicks in fully, pulling him out of his numb state of mind and making Leo gasp even harder as he is starting to run out of air. His hands are on Raphael's shoulders and he uses Raphael to hold himself up. He knows that this resistance is useless; he's going to have to start holding his breath any moment now. But his brain is on full panic-mode and for once Leo doesn't fight the panic back.

The feeling of suffocating isn't new; he has been trapped in water many times before. But he knows that this time it's going to be... different. Because Raphael is holding him, not pulling him towards the surface like once or twice before, but instead holding him and making sure this is how it goes. Leonardo trusts his brother, knows he can do it, but doesn't trust himself enough to wake up if the cold gets him. He lets another whimper escape his blue lips, his control long lost. Keeping his eyes open is difficult, and he blinks his eyes rapidly as the salt-water hits his face. "Raph!" he chokes and doesn't know if it's salt-water or tears burning his eyes. The water finally reaches the top of the mini-sub.

Raphael holds Leo by his waist, feeling how Leo grasps his shoulders and desperately tries to keep his mouth above the water. Raphael can't bear to watch his struggle so he concentrates on helping Leo with his struggle. He thinks that Leo knows he's just tiring himself, but he doesn't have the heart to make it easier for Leonardo by just pulling him under. He can't believe this – he's  _holding_  Leo as he  _drowns_ , doing nothing, just listening to the muffled, choked gasps and quiet whimpers above him. He can't help put squeeze his eyes shut, praying that this is just some kind of horrible, horrible nightmare.

But when the sub is filled with water Leo is completely underwater, and their eyes meet in the clear water. Raphael stares as the blue tails of Leo's bandana float in the water around them, making a weird contrast to the blueness in Leo's skin. Leo lets go of his shoulders, touching the sides of his helmet instead, pulling himself closer. His eyes aren't calm like when he was telling Raphael it's okay – it was Raphael's turn to tell Leo it would be okay. But how could he when he hardly believed it himself? How could this be okay?

Raph knows Leo must be panicking, but his features don't show it. Maybe he's just too tired, too numb. Leo's watching him with desperateness mixed with trust, and Raphael feels sick, sick, sick. He wraps his hands around Leo, hugging him tightly and desperately. Leo does the same, and Raphael feels disturbed feeling his brother squirming against him. He can feel Leonardo  _fighting for his life,_ and he's just letting him. All he can do is hold Leo.

And after what feels like ages Leonardo goes limp.

Raphael feels an ache he has never felt before. It comes deep from his bones, from every single part of his body – the desperation, the raw hurt, hopelessness, disappointment in himself – and he lets out a scream nobody hears. He's alone.


	2. Chapter 2

 

With a strong kick Raph sent the submarine's door flying, and wasted no time leaving the ship. His right arm was draped around Leonardo's limp body, pressing his brother against his side. His left hand scooped the water as he kicked to move them forward, closer towards the bigger submarine.

He didn't feel the cold around himself anymore; the angry need to move faster had warmed him up. It made him anxious how much slower his swimming felt with only one hand and with Leo as a weight against him. The moment his thought drifted to Leo his movements became clumsy. He was feeling too many feelings at once, so he tried to just concrete on moving forward.

Their submarine lay on the bottom, hidden behind some rocks so that Raphael and Leonardo wouldn't have been seen as easily as they ventured on with the small sub. Raph knew the ship wasn't far, but it felt like he had been swimming for an eternity already. Leo was as cold as the water surrounding them, his chest wasn't moving-

Leo felt heavy as Raphael's emotions got the better of him, but nothing was as heavy as his heart. He snarled at himself, managing to not let his speed drop. As he was concentrating on the movement of his legs, his headset inside his helmet suddenly stirred to life. He cursed at how bad it startled him, almost losing his grip on Leo. Just almost. He'd never let go.

"Leo, if you can hear me – Leo, answer the radio,  _shit_ –"

Raphael was so fascinated by hearing Donatello's voice that it took him a few seconds to realize that he could actually answer. Also, hearing Don swear was also rare, so that took him by surprise, too.

" _Don_ ", Raph breathed his name, knowing he should feel relief, but he couldn't. His voice was breathless from the efforts of swimming – this should be nothing, he'd easily swim even a longer distance, but the situation itself was enough to make Raphael feel paralyzed. But he couldn't be that – he had to swim, faster, kick faster, just – just go  _faster…_

"Raph!" Don's answer was immediate, relief clear in his voice. "Raph, are you guys okay? I've been trying to contact you for-"

"Don, ya have to listen", Raph breathed, grunting as his muscles protested against his swimming. "Leo's – just prepare the defibrillator", Raph explained shortly, leaving Don to listen at his heavy breathing. The line went silent, so Raphael figured that Don was just staring at the radio, not sure if he had heard his brother right. "Don,  _now!_ " he yelled, and could hear the radio close as Don scrambled to his feet. As the line went dead his own, heavy breathing was the only thing he could hear.

He hated himself. He couldn't look at Mikey or Don, they'd know this was Raphael's fault, he could've given the suit to Leo. This was so wrong, so wrong he wanted to scream.

As he made it to the ship he swam to the place they had launched their small submarine from. There was a water tank for the submarine, and that tank also led inside the submarine. Raph knew Don would be there.

The lights from the ship blinded him, but he swam determinedly. Before he even noticed he could feel something pulling Leonardo away from him, and he almost pulled his brother back before realizing it was Mikey. "It's okay Raph – I've got him, I've got him–" he knew Mikey tried to sound reassuring, but he could see how shocked his little brother was to see and feel Leo's limp form.

Somehow, he had made it back to the ship.

But it was far from over. Mikey carefully pulled Leo from the water, and while getting up himself Raphael grabbed the helmet and let it fly across the room. It landed with a loud thud, and only as Raph was hurriedly getting out of his diving suit did he realize how heavy it had been. He didn't know how long it had taken for him to get here – he'd never forgive himself for this.

"Watch his head", Donatello was already giving orders and no feeling was to be heard from his voice. He sounded professional, like nothing could break his composure. But as soon as he turned to see Leo's pale, almost bluish face, Raph could see the emotion flash in his eyes. His hands were immediately on Leo, putting something in his mouth, probably to get some water out of him.

Raph was finally free of his suit, able to move better. His muscles weren't happy, but he stumbled next to Leo, falling on his knees. As soon as Don was done, he ordered Mikey to put a mask over Leo's mouth, giving him air, which he obviously wasn't able to take before they'd get his heart to beat again.

That was the next step; Don picked up the defibrillation pads, rubbing them together and making sure the machine was ready.

"Hurry", Raph breathed impatiently, even though he knew Don was already doing everything he could and more. Raph was unable to tear his eyes away from Leo's face. It was so unnatural, so scary to see him so pale, so still. His mind wanted to say it, wanted so say  _well, he's gone, of course he's still_ – but he pushed that away. He moved closer to Leo, placing his hands on his plastron while Don warmed up the machine. He pressed down, repeated it, again, again-

"I've got it", Don finally said, and Raph moved his hands away. Don placed the pads down on Leo's plastron, looking back at the monitor. The defibrillator started to beep, and when it let out a louder beep Don pressed down, Leo's body arching as a shock was sent through him.

Raphael's fingers were immediately on Leo, checking for a pulse. "Nothing", he heard himself whisper, gritting his teeth. Don readied the machine for another shock, signaling Raph to not touch Leo.

"Charging…" Don said, biting his lip and keeping his eyes on the machine. Again, when the louder beep came, Don pressed against Leo's plastron. His body arched up again, and Raphael's fingers were on his neck faster than the last time.

"No", Raph simply said, punching the floor. Don gave him no answer, instead preparing the machine for a third try. Mikey was kneeling next to Raph, shaking. "C'mon", Raph said through gritted teeth.

"Clear", Don said weakly, and Raph saw how his hands had started to shake. The shock made Leonardo arch up, but Don let out a muffled sob. "It's flat, no pulse", Don whimpered, and it was clear how hard he fought against another sob. His hands didn't move to place the pads on Leo again, so Raph pushed Don away and moved on top of Leo, placing his hands on his plastron. Inside his head he counted his pushes,  _three, four, five…_ "Mikey!" he yelled hoarsely, and Mikey kept the breathing mask on Leo's mouth with a shaky hand, giving him air every time Raph said "breath."

"Come on, Leo, come on", Raph breathed, continuing on doing the chest compressions. This wasn't the first time he had to give CPR to one of his brothers, but it had been the first time they had used the defibrillator. He could feel how Don was shaking, probably in a shock about the fact he had had to use it on Leo.

 _Bullshit_! Had Leo completely bullshitted him, saying  _I could be revived_ , had he even believed it himself? Had Raphael let Leo drown, believing he wasn't going to wake up again? It didn't matter what Leo had been thinking – it mattered that Raph had let this happen in the first place. How could he?

CPR was always hard for them; their hard plastrons made pressing difficult, and their beaks certainly weren't designed for giving mouth to mouth. Raph would've been afraid of breaking something inside Leo's chest if he wasn't so desperate; they were running out time. Leo needed to wake up.  _Now._ _There was_ _no way_ _he wouldn't make him wake up._

"Raph, let me…" Don said shakily, moving closer, but Raphael shook his head angrily. "No, use the – use the  _thing_ ", Raph commanded, wondering how he had remembered its name before.

Don picked up the defibrillator he had already abandoned, and Raph stopped pressing Leo's chest only when the machine was beeping again.

"Clear", Don announced tiredly, pushing down. But the shock wasn't enough, and this time Don couldn't stop the sob that escaped his mouth. Raph pushed him aside, again.

"Don", Mikey whispered, moving to his brother who had hid his face behind his hands. Raphael would've admired Mikey for his bravery, being able to comfort Don, but he was too busy counting his presses. He didn't have the strength to keep this going on, yet he kept doing it anyways.

"Fuck Leo, fucking come back", Raph rasped, tearing the mask away from his face and bending down to give Leo mouth to mouth. He lifted Leo's chin up, breathing against him.

He kept going, kept cursing, but Leo was and stayed limp. As Raph watched his unresponsive form he saw Leo in his mind, when the submarine had been filled with water. He saw the trust in his brothers eyes, and he couldn't contain the scream that left him.

"LEO! You're all about not giving up – what the  _fuck_  is this? What's holding you back,  _asshole?_ " Raph let his anguish finally take form, and he couldn't stop himself for slapping Leo's cheek. His head lolled to the side, and it broke Raphael's heart. So he slapped him again. Harder. "Wake the hell  _up!_ "

Seeing this made Mikey and Don both reach forward. "Raph-", Mikey tried, but Raphael's voice rose above his as he screamed his brothers name. It resembled the scream he had let out after Leo had went limp on his arms, but this time his voice was raw and tired, so disappointed, so hurt.

"You told me – you said –", his voice failed him, his throat was too abused. But he swallowed, shaking Leo's shoulders and slapping him once more before he could be stopped by his brothers. "Fight – you  _always do!_ "

The sound from the skin of his palm connecting with Leo's cheek echoed in the now silent submarine.

Don stared numbly at Leo as Mikey turned his head away. It was his turn to hide the sobs, but he wasn't nearly as good at that as Don was. Raph brushed his face with his hand, unable to believe this.

It wasn't supposed to go like this.

He lowered his hand on Leo's face, gently brushing his cheek where a mark from his slaps was already forming.

His vision swam. He didn't know if it was grief or anger, most likely a mixture of them both. At the same time he felt hollow; this couldn't be happening.

In return to Raphael's touch Leo's head was pressed against Raphael's fingers as the leader coughed, his eyes fluttering half-open. Raphael felt his heart drop, and immediately it bounced up in his throat. He grabbed Leo's face with both hands as Leo was still coughing, and Don hurried to grab the breathing mask and helped Raph place it over Leo's mouth. Leo's tired eyes searched the room around him, but he was too confused, too cold to really understand why his siblings were staring down at him with different expressions. All he knew was that he was hurting, and seeing his brotherss made him hurt a bit less. He smiled weakly, but couldn't help frowning when he noticed the tears in the corner of Mikey's eyes.

"Asshole", Raph whispered, and slowly Leo remembered. He then understood the tears, feeling cold not only outside, but inside as well. He knew what he had just put his brothers through, especially Raphael.

He reached weakly for Raphael's hand. Raph grabbed it, giving his hand a light squeeze.

Well, Raphael had done what he had promised to do back in the submarine.

He'd slapped Leo. More than twice.


End file.
